Forgive Me, Dear Sister!
by General Krull
Summary: Ron is responsible for the death of his sister Ginny, and the guilt drives him over the edge... Will you be there when he tries to atone for his sins? Rated T for depressing content


DISCLAIMER: DO NOT OWN ANYTHING! My first Harry Potter fic, so please review, will you?

Why, hello there! Have you come to join me on my last adventure? Really? Oh, don't be such a sanctimonious fool. No one in their right mind would even consider giving a shit about me, Ron Weasley, and what happens to me. Tonight is going to be my last night on earth, so no point in starting to care about me now, is there?

It is 5:30 AM, early in the morning, as I get out of bed. Dressing in my usual attire of striped shirt and grey trousers, I prepare for my last walk. Should I take the blue jacket or the black trench coat? The sun has not risen yet, and it is cold outside. Trench Coat it is, then. I open the door to my apartment and step outside, into the night. My final destination is the River Thames, but there is one more place I would like to visit one more time before I leave this world.

The cemetery is a mere ten minutes away from my apartment building. It is time to say goodbye to the only person that I ever loved... Ginny... your grave is the only place in the world that can help me prepare for the journey that lies ahead. I kneel before the tombstone of polished white rock and read the inscription of your name, as I've done countless times before.

I can finally accept it. I am to blame for your death. We were just on the way to the dentist's when it happened. Being like every child, egocentric and self-obsessed, I kept screaming on and on about how I didn't want to go see the dentist. Had it not been for me crying and whining about wanting to go home distracting my father who was driving the flying car, we could have had a wonderful life, both you and I. But dad turned his head, to see what was the matter with me or maybe to sooth my fear of the upcoming visit to the dentist with his smile, and therefore failed to notice the wizard on a broomstick coming in on a collision course.

How I survived the ensuing crash almost uninjured, I do not know. But seeing my father's decapitated body slumped over the wheel and your fragile form, dear sister, impaled on a bent metal broomstick is an image that still haunts my every dream. I should have died back then, died instead of you, Ginny. After all, I was to blame for the accident anyway... Would have been fair if I had died and you had lived. But life isn't fair, I guess. Only I can make sure justice is served in the end. I know it won't bring you back, dear sister, but at least I get a chance to punish myself for my sins and find peace at the same time. Pain feels good, but only death can offer tranquility.

Yet again, I'm standing in front of thy altar, Ginny. But this time, I know, who I am... who I was... I was a disgustingly selfish brat, back then, when I was young and you were still alive, for it was my selfishness that cost dad's and your life. Now I know, what I am... I am a pathetic excuse for a human being that shouldn't even be alive.

My knees ache from kneeling on the cemetery walkway for so long, and I groan ever so quietly as I get up. It is finally time to set right what once went wrong, or something along those lines. Only about ten minutes until sunrise. Off I go, through the quiet and desolate streets of London. Not a single human being crosses my path. I'm almost feeling lonely, walking through the streets all alone. How ironic, considering that I've been alone most of my life anyway... Still, I would give everything to see a smiling human face for one last time. But it's not going to happen, is it? I can already hear the distant roar of the Driver Thames' raging currents.

I pass one more corner, and there it is... River Thames, my savior... and also my executioner. So be it, then. Still a few minutes til Sunrise. I keep on walking, away from the suburb, towards the part of the river that flows through the open field. I want to see the rising sun one last time, and I can't be bothered to wait for it to rise above the nearby houses' chimneys. I wish for its warming rays to touch my pale skin on the very moment the new day is born. Huh, wishing, something I don't usually do anymore. Most wishes won't come true anyway, now will they?

I finally stop walking. This is a good place. The river seems especially deep in this spot, and the next house is at least two hundred meters away. One step closer I take towards the railing, the box with the sleeping pills already in my hand. It took me a fair bit of work to get my doctor to prescribe these bad boys for someone as young as me. It was worth the effort, though. A single one should be enough to send someone as thin as me to dreamland for at least twelve hours, about four should be deadly. I need the sleeping pills when I jump. I'm a coward, after all, and the thought of drowning still terrifies me. But I deserve a painful death, it's the only way I can atone for my sins and assure Ginny forgives me when we are reunited in the after life.

It is time, the sun rises over the horizon, and I can feel its warmth on my face, a final time. A perfect morning. Now then, time to open the box of sleeping pills. One last time, I look all around me to make sure I'm still alone. But the world is still asleep, ignorant to my pain. It's kind of silly, but I can't resist the temptation: I spread my arms, and as loud as I can, I shout "I'm comping my life, who would like to have it?" Deaf silence answers me. So no one would like to have my life... not very surprising.

I take the pills... all of them. Seven... ate... nine... ten. Ten pills. Even if I do not drown in the river the pills most certainly would kill me. "Here goes nothing", I mutter to myself. My tongue feels heavy and I can sense my control over the muscles in my body fading away. It's hard to climb over the railing, but I can still manage it. Below me, the river is roaring and steaming. One last moment I hesitate... and then I jump.

Darkness welcomes me. I feel cold as I sink to the bottom of River Thames, more like a stone rather than a human being. My mind is starting to feel all fuzzy, and after a few moments, I realize that I'm still awake. Even worse, the pill's sedating effect has paralyzed my limbs, but my mind seems more awake then ever. Suddenly, I start wondering whether or not this actually way a good idea. When did I last breathe? The air is burning in my lungs. "Silly Ron", I hear a voice in my head, "you can't breathe under the surface, did you not know that?"

Oh Shit! I'm starting to panic! Help! Anyone! Someone help me! I need to breathe... need to breathe... I can no longer control the urge. I open my mouth and inhale the dark water. Icy cold fills my lungs and a siring pain cuts through my innards. This is not how I imagined it. Now I can control my limbs again. I thrash about like a Magikaprp on land, but to no avail. The surface is out of my reach, and the cold is spreading through my body at an astonishing pace. By the time it reaches my head, I have stopped thrashing again. My vision becomes unfocused and fades to black. Life vanishes, darkness above and below... Ginny... where are you? No one is hear... the cold... the dark... the never ending pain...

Is this death?

…

Yes, I think it is...


End file.
